you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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