If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
