We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
