I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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