this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
