watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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