I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
