Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
