standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
