And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
