if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
