well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
