12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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