What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
