You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
