After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
