my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
only you would photoshop your dick
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
