Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
