i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
