yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
