Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
