dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
