She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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