You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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