I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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