Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
