So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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