Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
