Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
