I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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