Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
