Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
