I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
