You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
