smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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