Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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