And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
