And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
