I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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