God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
