yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
