At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
