I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
