My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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