New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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