The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
