I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
