you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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