I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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