Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
