Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
