i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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