how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
