beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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