I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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