I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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