as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
