1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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