sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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